BLUE LETTER

CLIFF’S NOTE: THE DUMBEST, STUPIDEST, MOST INANE, PETULANT, SELF-INFLICTED-ECONOMIC DISASTER. EVER.

If you were trying to wreck the economy—like, say, if your retirement plan involved hoarding gold bars in a Mar-a-Lago crapper while shorting the U.S. dollar—you still couldn’t cook up anything as catastrophically asinine as Trump’s latest round of tariffs. This isn’t economic policy; it’s the geopolitical version of an addled toddler smashing all their Legos and saying China’s gonna pay for it.

These tariffs hit everyone from major trade partners to Heard Island and McDonald Islands, which, in case you’re wondering, is an uninhabited speck of penguin real estate in the Southern Ocean. That’s right, even places without people are catching strays from Captain Spray Tan’s trade-war-fever dream. Which nonexistent trade entity gets hit next? Miller’s Planet from Interstellar? Narnia? The testicular fortitude of House Republicans?

And let’s not sugarcoat it: These tariffs amount to the biggest damn tax increase in American history. Get used to saying this, everyone. Repeat it ad nauseam, especially to your Republican friends who communicated their electoral preference via vacuous horse-manure such as “I’m not voting for Trump, I’m voting for Republican policies.” Uh-huh. The part-Black, part-Indian woman who wanted stability, which, ya know, leads stock markets not to erase trillions of dollars of wealth in days—that was just a (Edmund Pettus) bridge too far, wasn’t it? Good voting, Monkeyface prickelbacks.

And there’s been no debate. No vote. Just one man’s ego and Grand-Canyon-sized crater where a soul generally exists, driving a bulldozer over our grocery bills. They’re going to spike prices, hammer American exporters, and shove the economy into a ditch—again. This according to known liberal entity Goldman Sachs, who has upped their prediction that we’re headed for (man-made) recession.

And For No Good Reason. In Fact, No Reason. At All.

Markets are tanking like it’s 2020, and inflation's about to get so juiced it may run from the LA police in a White Ford Bronco. And guess who’s footing the bill? No, not Canada. Or the EU. Or China. You. Me. The guy next to you trying to figure out why his microwave costs 40% more now. This is what happens when a petulant, economically-illiterate egomaniac treats trade policy like it’s a suspenseful reality show or one of his marriages. Spoiler: it doesn’t end well for non-billionaires.

…Yo, Check This Out!

• I could write about Musk’s misguided, Ketamine-fueled cuts to essential programs (not “inefficiencies,” longtime, standard-safety procedures nationally, regionally & locally), that’ll lead to more misery. Or, I can just lay it out in a simple screenshot:

  This is not some developing nation, this is America. And it’s insanity.

• Good friend/professional photographer Joe took these at a Tesla Takedown event—just one of many across the nation last week at Every Tesla Dealership. This is why Elon was crying man-baby tears to Trump. This isn’t fixable. He took a blowtorch to Tesla’s reputation, and it couldn’t happen to a bigger jackass.

  • Yep, no backing down from counter-protesting cockeyed MAGA cretins

    A nice shot of the action

    Not sure about you, but I’m ready to honk

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  Quick kitty break! With the adorable Stella giving us a semi-meow and affectionate head-butt

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