Friend,

The years-long wait is finally over! Matty Gaetz can no longer hide his disturbing past, because today, Congress spilled the tea. And even though we pretty much knew all of the interesting little nuggets that would be scattered throughout, the report was still a fun read. And yes, we know that you probably know the details of Matt’s weird life outside of his already weird life on Capitol Hill. But hey, why not talk about it some more? After all, the guy resigned from Congress, so if we’re lucky, we may never have to hear from him again!

After today, Trump’s original pick for Attorney General can officially be labeled a pedophile. It’s been suspected for a long time, and now it’s confirmed. While Gaetz spends most of his money on face injections, it looks like he also spends a good amount on sex with women, some of age, some not. And we’re not talking chump change, we’re talking tens of thousands.

And did you really just think Gaetz spends most of his money on face injections and sexual favors? Of course not! He spends some on drugs, too! Cocaine, Ecstasy, you name it! If it’s in a pop song about college girls going clubbing, Matt Gaetz has probably bought it. His defense for this? “embarrassing, though not criminal.” Trump's pick for Attorney General forgot that doing drugs is against the law. Even considering that, he’s probably about as qualified as Trump’s other cabinet picks.

Seriously though, bullet dodged. We were way too close to having this guy in a powerful position. The guy who, according to this ethics report, is a well established criminal, was almost in charge of prosecuting America’s criminals. We’re not sure he was the right fit for the job. Then again, neither is his boss. Anyways, Gaetz came down because of people like you. Concerned citizens and democracy defenders are the reason Matt Gaetz won't be employed by the Department of Justice. It’s important work that we do on this pirate ship, and this was just the tip of the iceberg. We have four long years in front of us, and we could really use your help to stay hot. Help us hold the rest of Trump’s cronies accountable by chipping in >>

-The Lincoln Project