Friend,

We knew it was gonna be bad. But this bad? Holy crap. This cabinet is a f**cking joke.

Trump’s gonna put America’s health in the hands of the guy who had a worm lodged in his brain and says all vaccines are unsafe. Trump always said he was going to do this, but seeing it actually materialize is pretty shocking. All we’ll say is, get your vaccines while you can because polio is gonna have a great four years.

Unsurprisingly, RFK Jr. isn’t the only animal murderer in Trump’s cabinet. Kristi Noem is set to lead the Department of Homeland Security. Yes, the self-proclaimed dog killer is going to be in charge of keeping the American people safe. The guy who couldn’t build a wall in four years is already making Kristi his “border hawk,” and we fully expect her to be just as incompetent as he was.

And we’re sure you saw that America’s least favorite weirdo Elon Musk and failed Eminem impersonator Vivek Ramaswamy were appointed to the “Department of Government Efficiency,” – two guys to do one job. This "department" really sounds like one of Trump’s shell companies. And if you’re wondering how he landed on this name, just look at the initials. They spell out the name of the cryptocurrency that Elon is constantly promoting. And guess what? The value of the currency has gone through the roof since this announcement. Some call it a coincidence, we call it corruption. 

Next up, Trump tapped one of Putin's biggest cheerleaders, Tulsi Gabbard, as Director of National Intelligence. It makes total sense. She’s always hung around murderous dictators, and seems to love Putin almost as much as Trump does. Well, maybe not golden shower love, but still love.

And hey, it just wouldn’t be a Trump cabinet without some weirdo from Fox News joining the party. Pete Hegseth is probably going to be our next Defense Secretary. The worst thing about this guy? He actually hosts the WORST show that Fox News has to offer. Think about how low that bar is. If you’ve never watched Fox and Friends… keep it that way. Remember, this guy is going to have all of the nuclear codes. He’s going to oversee our armed forces. He’s going to represent veterans and active soldiers. God help us.

Little Marco also weaseled his way in there, likely taking the Secretary of State position. Now, we’re not positive, and fact check us if you must, but we’re pretty sure this is the first presidential appointment who has gotten into a very bitter and very public argument with his boss over penis size. The history books of the future are going to be seriously interesting.

And the cherry on top is Trump’s selection for Attorney General. Yep, it’s the man, the myth, the alleged pedophile, Matt Gaetz. We get that Florida men have to stick together, but come on. This move has to be, by far, the most boneheaded, insane, weird, reckless appointment in American history. It’s well documented that this guy slept with a 17 year old and paid for it. In fact, it’s so well documented that the House Ethics Committee was just days away from releasing a damning report on their findings surrounding Matt’s child sexcapades. That’s why he resigned immediately from his seat, and that’s probably why Trump appointed him. Licking the boots of a convicted felon for eight years may have its benefits after all. 

Remember, this is just the beginning. He’s not done making appointments, and he’s not even in office yet. These are the previews. And from what we can tell, it’s going to be a long four years. But hey, a long four years is better than an even longer eight years. That’s why we need your help. Last time we started behind, this time we’re getting ahead. Help us build a winning coalition >>

-The Lincoln Project