I know this menu ... better than anybody in here.”

— Donald Trump boasting about his knowledge of the McDonald’s menu last year.

KENTUCKY FRIED MAGA

Donald Trump is promising everything to everyone in his scramble to get back into the White House. He’s even willing to declare war on his beloved fast food.

Former President Donald Trump’s love affair with fast food is a thing of legend — and one of the few constants in his notoriously turbulent existence. On his private jet, known to his team as Trump Force One, Trump aides have described “four major food groups: McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza and Diet Coke.” A typical Trump dinner order: “Two Big Macs, two Fillet-O-Fish, and a chocolate malted.” The entire Trump operation runs on fast food: His campaign spent $31,000 at McDonald’s alone from January 2023 to September 2024, according to campaign finance records. In August alone, his campaign went to McDonald’s at least 18 times, Chick-fil-A 10 times and Waffle House six times, per public filings. One of his lawyers recently waxed poetic about the Trump criminal defense team’s breathtaking fast food intake during Trump’s trial earlier this year.

So I did a double take when I saw the headline that “Trump Adopts RFK Jr.’s War on Junk Food to Win Over His Fans” in the Wall Street Journal today. We already knew Trump was thinking about putting anti-vax conspiracy theorist Robert F. Kennedy Jr., in charge of Health and Human Services. But now, Trump is apparently falling in line with Kennedy’s “Make America Healthy Again” mantra. The details of this plan remain hazy, and pretty suspect, given Kennedy’s anti-scientific views on vaccines and other kooky ideas. This is, after all, the guy whose doomed presidential campaign will be best remembered for a series of bizarre run-ins with dead animals, including the time he cut the head off a beached whale with a chainsaw, and the time he announced that a worm ate part of his brain and died there. But RFK Jr. is apparently also committed to targeting ultra-processed foods, which are linked to obesity and chronic diseases. It’s a good idea actually — one that Republicans have long bashed former First Lady Michelle Obama for pursuing. Trump’s team has reportedly adopted RFK Jr.’s stance, at least when it comes to vetting future staffers and drawing up policy plans.

Trump, of course, has no genuine interest in changing Americans’ diets — or his own — for the better. The reality: Trump will need as many of Kennedy’s voters as possible to win critical battleground states, where he is virtually tied with Vice President Kamala Harris. We’re now seeing the price RFK Jr. extracted for his Trump endorsement. And in his quest to retake the White House, Trump is willing to throw anything under the bus — even his beloved Big Macs.

Donald Trump’s about-face on fast food is just the latest example of an empty promise to help Americans, only to boost his chances at winning the election.

On reproductive rights: The former president called himself the “father of IVF” this week, but admitted that he only recently learned what the procedure is. Last month, addressing women at a rally, he said that “you will be protected, and I will be your protector” during a second Trump administration. Keep in mind that this is a candidate who has no clear stance on reproductive rights, flip-flopping on issues including whether he’d enact a national abortion ban. Not to mention, Trump takes credit for creating the hyper-conservative Supreme Court which struck down Roe v. Wade.

On foreign policy: Trump says he’ll quickly end Russia’s war in Ukraine if he becomes president, but hasn’t laid out any plan to do so. It’s highly unlikely that any proposal he puts forth would satisfy the Ukrainian government, who he blamed this week for allowing the war to start (Russia invaded Ukraine in February 2022). He’s literally friends with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin — sending him Covid kits during the peak of the pandemic!!! — so there’s reason to doubt that Trump will stand strong behind Ukraine.

On climate: Trump called himself an “environmentalist” during an incoherent, rambling response at a town hall this week. “We have to have a strong economy and we have to have a nice climate. And there’s nobody that’s better at that … combination than me,” he said. Well, Trump is expected to enact parts of the far-right Project 2025 agenda if he’s elected. It calls for scrapping federal programs to address climate change and repealing laws enacted by the Biden administration that dole out funding for communities that switch to renewable energy. Scientists widely believe that he would destroy progress made by Democrats, focusing on oil and gas that exacerbate the climate crisis.

How serious are any of these promises? Well, consider his pledge to make America healthier: Trump is scheduled to work as a fry cook at a McDonald’s in Philadelphia during a campaign stop in the swing-state this weekend. He’s also the guy who argues that exercise is bad because a person has a finite amount of energy, like a battery.

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Donald Trump sipped on a Diet Coke while watching the Jan. 6 Capitol riots unfold on TV, according to a large new trove of documents from special counsel Jack Smith’s team, which otherwise contained few new insights. Because he is very mature, Trump called the judge who approved releasing the docs “the most evil person.”

Trump has been canceling mainstream interviews lately because he’s “exhausted,” according to Politico. Who’s the “Sleepy Joe” now? Also, pro-Trump rapper Waka Flocka Flame was reportedly offered up as a possible stand-in. Incredible stuff.

Despite being old and tired, Trump is “uncharacteristically buoyant, almost cavalier, convinced that victory is his,” according to Puck. In reality, polls still show him neck-and-neck with Kamala Harris. That includes this mind-boggling probability forecast graph from pollster Nate Silver (which looks like the “Jesus fish” to me. Anybody? My brain is so tired.)

Trump and Republicans across the country have dumped $21 million into ads over the past two weeks, targeting Democrats’ support for transgender rights. Voters don’t even rank this a top issue, but Republicans are betting that people can be swayed by reigniting a culture war centered on hate and division.

One-third of Americans agree with Trump’s racist comment that immigrants are “poisoning the blood” of the United States, according to a new poll. Republicans (61 percent) and White evangelical Protestants (60 percent) agree with the racist remarks far more than any other group. Still, 13 percent of Democrats align with Trump on the comment. What the hell is that about!

An area of the United States that’s five times the size of Manhattan could be blocked off by Trump’s border wall, according to a Washington Post analysis. Over 100 square miles of American territory — which includes entire neighborhoods, churches and farms — are in between the border wall construction and the Mexican border, effectively cutting them off from the U.S. Nothing says “America First” like cutting off your own land!

Trump’s pricey “Swiss-made” watches are apparently made in Wyoming, according to a CNN investigation. A lawyer who helped Trump’s team set up the watch business said he didn’t know his clients had ties to the former president, and that “if Mr. Trump or anyone in his family were on the same side of the street I was on, I would cross the street.”

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Tennessee doctors who perform emergency abortions can’t face any discipline for agreeing to do the procedure, state judges ruled on Thursday. It’s a win for reproductive rights activists who have argued that the state’s vague abortion restrictions put doctors’ careers at risk which would inherently make abortion less accessible.

Farmers in North America are taking advantage of erratic weather caused by climate change to grow more pawpaw, a rare fruit native to North America. It’s often described as custard-like, having a banana-mango flavor, and sounds like something I’ve been missing out on all my life.