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An alternate-reality interrupting cow showed up at my fundraiser the other day. I had encountered these creatures occasionally on the campaign trail, but never really stopped to think about the traits that define the species until that night. I realize the name is quite a mouthful, and there is a good chance that all interrupting cows are of the alternate-reality variety, but better to be specific in matters of taxonomy. 
Every interrupting cow has his or her own alternate reality, but the ones I have observed live with many of the same fears and lean on the same alternative facts to justify those fears. In their mental pastureland, what they feel is true is much more important than what actually exists. There is no information from any source that could budge them from believing that Democrats can control the weather—CONTRAILS OVER FLORIDA! THEY’RE SEEDING THE CLOUDS!—and that the country has become a nearly uninhabitable hellscape overrun by dark-skinned gangs and pet eaters since Trump peacefully handed over power in 2021. 
For the uninitiated, “interrupting cow” is a term taken from a knock, knock joke:
     Knock, knock
Who’s there?
     Interrupting cow
Interrupting co—
     Moooooo!
Conversations with an alternate-reality interrupting cow are like extended, humorless versions of that joke repeated ad nauseam. Actually, they’re not conversations at all. They are monologues, diatribes delivering trauma from that alternate reality where emotions are strung tight and Ben Shapiro is always right. 
The blathering bovine who showed up at the end of my bake-auction fundraiser first took exception to the fact that we had rented space at the Legion Hall for our event and posted our signs, as we do for all campaign events. He claimed this created a perception that the Legion endorsed my candidacy. This was not the case, of course, and the funny thing is that this particular cow hadn’t reacted at all when a Republican candidate for governor did exactly the same thing earlier in the year. So, what had his udders in a bunch was not the thing he claimed to be the source of his agitation. It would seem that when it comes to politics, seeing blue is what makes alternate-reality interrupting cows see red. 
The fact that I was doing what a Republican candidate and many others had done over the years proved, he claimed, that I only wanted to go to Congress to join some conspiracy of corruption. The logic here is not straightforward, but neither is ruminant digestion. The reference to corruption prompted me to ask if he knew anything about my opponent.
“I know everything about North Dakota,” He declared. “I have thousands of followers.” 
Oh, no. A social-media-influencer-alternate-reality interrupting cow. We may have to come up with an acronym. For this particular breed, nothing proves your self-worth and the validity of your arguments like the number of followers you have on social media. They are the Kim Kardashians of the species. “Just look at the honorable George Santos,” they say. “136 thousand followers can’t be wrong.”
After his declaration that he knew everything about North Dakota, he asked, “Have you even deployed?!” 
Weird question from a guy who had just indicated that he knew everything about my race. It is also an arrogant question and evidence of disdain toward the service of those who have not served in a combat zone. I’m sure his thousands of followers have picked up on that attitude. I have the opposite attitude and have often said that my long career and a combat tour in Iraq make my service exactly as meaningful as that of anyone who has served a single enlistment and never got their boots dirty. No one knows exactly what they are in for when they join the military, and anyone serving in any branch or occupational specialty could end up in harm’s way.
At one point during the Global War on Terror, the Marine Corps had the highest suicide rate of all the services, and the majority of those deaths by suicide were not among traumatized combat veterans but among those who had not been to Iraq or Afghanistan. Of course, active-duty suicides are of no concern to a social-media-influencer-alternate-reality interrupting cow. They are generally self-absorbed and also very busy starring in their own productions and counting how many followers they have today. Sometimes they lose followers, and that is definitely a conspiracy.
From questioning my service, our high-strung cud chewer moved on to something about yard signs and how I must have no friends because he hadn’t seen many of my yard signs around town. Weird flex, but you have to remember that the social-media-influencer breed is all about external validation. They are desperate for attention, but it must be curated, which explains why he then freaked out over a young lady recording our encounter on her phone.
By this point, everyone in the room was looking on with an expression normally reserved for unexpected public nudity. Our intrepid Internet grazer became even more agitated when a retiree with that look on his face stood near us with his hands in his pockets. Apparently, that behavior is as threatening to an interrupting cow as smiling is to a chimpanzee. 
Finally, our bloviating bovine got around to what was really bothering him: the fact that Democrats dared to have a public event right in front of him. Here we were, in my hometown, auctioning off goodies baked by my mother’s friends from recipes she had submitted to Lutheran church and public school cookbooks. It was the most humble kind of fundraiser possible, and the kind of  we’re-all-in-this-together event that strikes unhinged right-wingers as communism, marxism, socialism, CRT, and DEI all rolled into one. Our alarmed interloper went into some kind of diatribe over how bad everything was in America now and then yelled, “Name three things Kamala Harris has accomplished.”
“Well—”
“Ah hahaha! You can’t even name one!” he shouted as he began to exit the room. “He can’t even name one thing! Ah hahaha!” And then he was gone, dancing away like Rumpelstiltskin with a freshly stolen baby. 
Lesson learned: don’t bother answering questions from an alternate-reality interrupting cow. They are never acting in good faith. I would say that interacting with them is like wrestling with a pig, but I don’t want to start mixing livestock metaphors.
A couple days later, I attended a Marilyn Hudson Brave Conversations event featuring Kate Bowler, PhD, an associate professor of American religious history at Duke University and a cancer survivor. She spoke, and then we had discussions at our tables about her books and what she had said in her speech. The rules for our discussion would choke an interrupting cow:
Come with genuine curiosity.
Start by assuming good intentions.
Speak with compassion and thoughtfulness.
Value the other person’s thoughts.
Listen without thinking how you are going to respond.
Be aware of non-verbal communication.
Try to understand from where the other person is coming.
Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Honor confidentiality – what is shared here, stays here.
Disagree with ideas, comments, or beliefs but not with the person.
These rules match my values, and I believe they should apply to all of our conversations, especially in politics. And when someone insists on acting like they were born in a barn, we need to teach them that they will be excluded and not taken seriously until they grow up.
With the U.S. House seat open, the race for North Dakota’s sole congressional district has never been more competitive.
Trygve Hammer is a Navy and Marine Corps veteran, a former public school teacher, and a freight rail conductor. He was appointed to the Naval Academy from the fleet and served as a Marine helicopter pilot, forward air controller, and infantry officer.
From bunking down in oilfield camps to engaging uninterested teenagers in the classroom, Trygve’s career has been a tour of duty in the trenches of American life. Trygve’s commitment to public service is unwavering. He lives by the ethos “Officers Eat Last” and is ready to serve as North Dakota’s next Congressman, putting the people's needs first.
Watch Trygve’s campaign launch video here [ [link removed] ].

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