Friend, 

The snake oil salesman is at it again! Looks like getting smoked by Vice President Harris in fundraising is really driving him insane, because these latest grifts are up there with selling steaks out of a mall storefront.

First, we’ll take a quick trip back to the 1960s and talk about his coin venture. Seriously, does he have Eric and Don Jr. traveling door to door in tweed suits and tacky bow ties trying to pass off these things? The Donald says that this coin is the only official coin to depict his “very beautiful face.” Somebody should sue this moron for false advertising. Who’s going to want a $100 coin with Trump’s fat face on it? We’ll stick to the coins with presidents who weren’t convicted on 34 felony counts.

And while we’re on the topic of mail-order garbage, guess what just launched today? His very own watch collection. They look like something you’d win out of a claw machine. He claims he’s only making 147 of them and keeping one for himself. And go on, guess the price tag. You should guess $100k! Because nothing screams “I’m very out of money please help” like hawking a $100,000 watch six weeks before you’re on presidential ballots. Let’s call this what it is: a plea for JD’s crypto-bro friends to help pay his legal bills.

Oh, and about crypto! A couple weeks ago, the Trump boys unveiled “World Liberty Financial,” which to us sounds like a company that would call your home phone with an exciting diet pill investment opportunity. It’s not surprising that the Trumps bought the domain from a group of Russian hackers.

Finally, let’s take a look at his meme stock, which seems to be flailing in the water more than his campaign. It plunged about 25% last week, and it’s down over 65% since its peak. To put that into perspective, shares that were once selling for $79 are now selling for $13. You’ll be shocked to learn that Trump made another great business decision here and did not sell when the prices were at their peak, costing him about $4 billion. Ah, the art of the deal strikes again.

Why are we filling you in on this? To remind you that the White House will be for sale if Donald Trump wins. He monetizes literally everything he gets his hands on. He’s not in this for the people, he’s in this for the money. Also – like, let’s be real here – he’s really bad at this. He held the record for most money lost by any American from 1985-1994. That’s hard to do.

Help us make sure Trump does the rest of his grifting from Mar-a-Lago instead of the Oval Office >>

-The Lincoln Project