Beware of Trump's "pet chameleon"

I sincerely wish we did not have to think, speak, or write about Ohio’s shapeshifting Senator JD Vance. I wish we had never watched him attempt to order donuts: “A lot of glazed, sprinkle stuff…just whatever makes sense.” But, for worse, he is the Republican Vice Presidential nominee. And given that, by his own admission, he “creates stories” about marginalized people, then amplifies and promotes those stories as facts, it will only be to our peril to make the same mistake and underestimate a man simply because he has an abhorrent personality and openly demeans fellow Americans.   

It's hard to fathom, but Vance, whom the insightful Rep. Jamie Raskin labeled Trump’s “pet chameleon” at the DNC, has somehow managed to behave in a manner even more debased than his sundowning strongman guru. Lately, it’s become increasingly clear that as important as it is to keep Trump away from presidential power, it’s equally urgent to prevent Vance from succeeding him.  

The two men on the GOP ticket share a handful of loathsome qualities. They are ravenous fiends for attention, regard the truth as malleable, and are willing to spread vile lies that inflict harm upon others (and the country) in pursuit of their own power. 

Despite whatever bonds them together, it’s also evident that they are not singing from the same song sheet. Or Trump forgot the tune. Or Vance is already thinking about his solo project. 

Their messaging—at this crucial juncture—is not in sync.  

After Sunday’s potential assassination attempt on the former president, Vance proposed “a reduction in the ridiculous and inflammatory political rhetoric.” But ridiculous and inflammatory rhetoric is Trump’s only, or at least most effective, political tool. He used it to incite an attempted coup. He used it to create the personality cult to which Vance is now trying to endear himself. 

About that whole lecture, which Senator Vance trotted out via multiple channels… when one condemns violent rhetoric from one side of his mouth while aggressively blaming Democrats and the media for two assassination attempts from the other, it really makes one wonder whether he has any authentic principles or values.   

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But aside from incompatible messaging; aside from the daily display of decline, buffoonery, and categorical unfitness exhibited by Trump (who recently suggested solving California’s water crisis by simply turning on a gigantic water faucet located…way up north), we do have to keep our eyes on Vance—even when doing so makes us cringe so hard that our jaws hurt. Of course, he may just be playing the role of the willing scapegoat, mouthing off to ensure people cease talking about Kamala’s masterful debate, or to distract the media from asking about Trump’s actual agenda (or his “concept” of one). But Vance might also be executing a calculated ploy to gain favor among the MAGA set, who conveniently don’t care about fallacies or felonies and are happily ensconced in their snug (dis)information loop.

Across Sunday morning shows and at several events since, Senator Vance used the worsening situation in Springfield, Ohio as fodder to exhibit the breadth of his capacity to lie, manipulate, and deny culpability. It’s sinister, it’s immoral, and it suggests he’s fully caught up on his summer reading of Trump’s tired old playbook.

And when it comes to Springfield, we need to remain mindful that the Haitian community there are lawful residents of Ohio. Therefore, it is JD Vance’s constituents whose lives are being derailed as a direct result of his absurd slander. His constituents have endured a week of school closures, civil unrest, and the cancellation of CultureFest (an annual celebration of Springfield’s diversity), not to mention a debate for candidates seeking county offices—all due to security concerns.  

In an effort to garner more attention, Vance posted a long-winded statement SO riddled with distortions of the truth that it would be a disservice to reprint it. It would also be a disservice to ignore it, lest anybody start consuming this coward’s words as facts. We can’t become similarly numb to Vance’s hypocrisy and false claims. We’re not going back.   

His post opens by proposing “President Trump is my running mate, and my friend.” Sorry. Donald Trump is incapable of friendship. Furthermore, the former president has shown precisely no hesitation in heaving his running mate under the bus. He notably attributed all “weird” accusations to JD, and when fumbling for a response to being called out as a liar, blamed his VP-nominee.  

Vance’s post then mounts his latest mantra about how “the rhetoric is out of control.” He argues that it encourages violence, and because of it, he and Trump are being unjustly blamed for the disruption in Springfield. This claim is particularly mind-numbing. Because, clearly, there would be no disruption and no bomb threats if Vance hadn’t been complicit in promoting lies about Haitians eating pets—a ludicrous, racist story creation that Vance knew was untrue before Trump declared it to nearly 70 Million viewers.  

Also, when did JD Vance become concerned about the dangers of violent rhetoric? Is ‘troubled pacifist’ the latest persona he’s trying on for size? It certainly wasn’t an issue when he was writing the foreword for a book by Kevin Roberts (Director of the Heritage Foundation, who created Trump’s Project 2025). As stated by the New Republic, the book was originally titled Burning Down Washington to Save America (though early criticism caused them to tamp that down to Dawn’s Early Light). In the foreword, Vance calls on supporters to “circle the wagons and load the muskets,” and describes Roberts’s plans as an “essential weapon” in the “fights that lay [sic] ahead.” 

Hmm. He might want to tone that down. But he will likely evade personal accountability for writing it, or perhaps claim that it’s totally fine to explicitly call for political violence when using historical terms. (Maybe that’s why it was no biggie that in 2016 Vance referred to Trump as “America’s Hitler.”) 

Of Springfield, he continues: “Citizens are telling us that there are problems. These include the undeniable truths of higher car accidents, unaffordable housing, evictions of residents, overcrowded hospitals, overstressed schools, and rising rates of disease.”

Their Senator sounds immensely ineffective. Or so say the people he’s meant to represent. 

He then moves onto the subject of censorship, and makes a perplexing long jump into a pile of bullshit. “Springfield is the most recent, but hardly the most egregious example. There was the Hunter Biden laptop story, censored by BigTech…” 

What? Hunter Biden’s laptop is a more egregious example than an entire town shutting down and becoming a subject of unwarranted national scrutiny? On what planet is anybody’s laptop story more egregious or haunting than hard-working, innocent, entirely lawful parents trying to explain to their kids why they’ve been mercilessly bullied for the past week? 

Senator Vance, what if it became conveniently distracting for Trump to let loose the Proud Boys on your town, by fabricating a story that baselessly demonized the families of Indian immigrants? What if that fictitious nonsense captured the nation’s attention? How would you explain it to your children? And by the way, do you think President Trump would hesitate for a millisecond to double down on those lies if the opportunity came his way and the cameras were in his face?

Nah, I don’t think he would, either.      

In his closing remarks, Vance writes, “I’m asking all of us to reject censorship. Reject the idea that you can control what other people think and say.” Ah yes, because nothing suggests that you’ve rejected the idea of controlling what people say like a rambling scroll instructing everybody on how to employ their rhetoric. 

“Reject censorship and you reject political violence.” Interesting. Was January 6 provoked by censorship? Or was it instigated by Vance’s “friend” inviting desperate Americans to journey to the Capitol to reject the peaceful transfer of power, with the promise “will be wild”?

He finishes with: “Embrace censorship, and you will inevitably embrace violence on its behalf.” Oh dear…by those standards, Vance’s book-banning Republican colleagues should probably be canceling school and CultureFests as well. 

In the spirit of JD Vance’s tirade, let’s remind ourselves of some of his previous thoughts about Trump, from a Tweet that has since been deleted. Surely Elon Musk and Senator Vance wouldn’t want to censor recent history.

For all those buying Vance’s desire to reject censorship and political violence, let’s believe him on this one: 

“Trump makes people I care about afraid. Immigrants, Muslims, etc. Because of this I find him reprehensible. God wants better of us.”

Agreed.