Friend, 

I can’t get enough of this guy. Some might say I have JD fever. He really and truly is one of the most remarkably weird people who has ever existed. Unless you’re named Donald Trump, I didn’t think being weirder than Ol’ Puddin Fingers Ron DeSantis was possible. But boy did I eat my words when I watched this guy have a meltdown over Diet Mountain Dew. 

My absolute favorite thing about JD Vance? He’s Convicted Felon Donald Trump’s running mate.

To say this pick is the worst VP selection in recent memory is an understatement. I’m not quite sure how this guy got into office in the first place. In fact, I’m not even sure how JD Vance is able to order Donald’s morning Big Mac at a drive thru window. It’s that bad.

Naturally, with the past couple of weeks he’s had, couch fetish allegations and all, the rumors have been swirling about why he was the pick. I thought it’d be fun to debunk some with you! But unlike JD, I’m not touching the couch…

The first word on the street was that Don Jr. talked his daddy into it. It makes sense. Trump's second least favorite son and the freakshow from Ohio seem to have a lot in common. But, there’s a big flaw in this theory. Trump probably wouldn’t even have lunch with his goofus failson, so it’s hard to believe he listens to him on something like this. Next.

People were also floating the possibility of Trump doing an opposites thing. You know, last time he went with the most robotic, cookie cutter, white bread guy out there, and it screwed him. Sure, he won an election, but he didn’t get his cherry on top: a successful insurrection. Even after Trump's mob threatened to hang Pence, the VP used the one ounce of self respect he had left and stood his ground. And man, did that piss Trump off. So, maybe this time, Donnie went for the weirdest guy on the planet. Maybe even somebody who can match his own weirdness. It kind of makes sense, but there are plenty of MAGA weirdos who actually could have brought some much needed votes to the table. There has to be a reason he chose this specific weirdo from a state he was already going to win and brings in no new demographics.

It quickly became clear to me. The motivation was a whole bunch of dollar bills from a bunch of tech bros. We’re really talking about a guy who appeals to a weird group of nationalist, populist, semi-monarchist, Peter Thiel acolytes in Silicon Valley. They think, “This guy gets us.” You know, the ones who think the solution to everything is forcing poor people to have more kids. Combine that with the fact that he was orange with cockiness up until a week and a half ago, and there’s your reason. So yeah, they’re raising money from the crypto-fascists, but having to propose taxing childless families in return. That is a very good deal for everyone except Donald Trump.

The bottom line is, this has all made me very happy. Ecstatic, actually. JD is not a charismatic guy. He’s not a good speaker, and inside Trumpworld, there’s a lot of anxiety now. I know of at least two concerted efforts to replace him right now. Chris and Susie are tearing their hair out. JD can’t seem to go a day without having something weird come out or another old clip of him ripping Trump in some interview surface.

He has almost single handedly made something I’ve been saying for years a national headline for the past week and a half: MAGA is weird.

Even though Trump and Vance seem to be self-imploding, we still need to pour gas on the fire over the next 95 days to make sure we still have a democracy next year. Help us turn up the heat >>

-Rick