Hi John, my name is Jolene and I’m a caregiver and transgender woman. You may not know this, but transgender and LGBTQ+ Americans face additional challenges when it comes to giving and receiving care – because our identities and our communities are under attack. 

I’ve been a caregiver since I was an adolescent, caregiving for my mom as she recovered from open heart surgery and, later, a mastectomy. Since then, I’ve given care throughout my life to friends and family, and now, I’m caregiving for a transgender woman with Usher's Syndrome which has severely impacted her hearing and her vision.

I’m not alone. Millions of LGBTQ+ people give care to a spouse, domestic partner, close friend, or aging relative – sometimes simultaneously. That’s why Pride Month is an important chance to honor the LGBTQ+ caregivers in our lives.

Join Caring Across Generations in celebrating Pride by submitting a photo of LGBTQ+ caregivers in your life! It can even be a photo of yourself. 

Share your photo

The truth is, as part of the LGBTQ+ community, we so often end up being the primary caregivers in the family. That’s because, historically, the LGBTQ+ members of the family have been single, or were considered to be single even if we had a partner. Even now, we are the primary caregivers because it is assumed that we don't have any "real" family to take care of, even though more and more of us not only have partners and are open about that, but also have children. We need care policies that accommodate all our families. 

A lack of care is nothing new to our community. During the AIDS crisis, queer people were denied care from their families and government. That’s why I served as an AIDS buddy in Texas to give care to LGBTQ+ people who didn’t have access to care or to families who could support them.  While there, I saw members of my community dying in the absence of care. I had to leave after attending 15 funerals in 15 days. It was just too much.

We’re still seeing dangerous attacks on the LGBTQ+ community today, including transphobic legislation and violence against transgender and queer people of all ages. That’s why it’s so important to share our care stories about what it’s like and the specific challenges that we face, from misgendering to hiding our identities to not being able to access gender-affirming care.

As a transgender caregiver, I often haven’t been able to openly be myself. The last person I cared for would get upset if I wore gender-affirming clothes and makeup. Only recently have I been able to dress femininely, with encouragement from my boyfriend and the transgender woman I now care for. 

If you’re a queer caregiver or care recipient reading this right now, know that you’re not alone. I’m proud to be a transgender caregiver because, in my queer community, we care for one another. There are millions of LGTBTQ+ caregivers like us. We’ll keep advocating until we get the care we need – care with joy and dignity. Sharing our care stories helps us make sure we have a care system that works for everyone.

Let’s celebrate what pride in care looks like. Take a moment to share your Pride in Care photo now. 

With care,

Jolene, on behalf of Caring Across Generations