Can South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem pull her MAGA veep hopes out of the gravel pit? (Spoiler: Probably not, after the week she just had.)

• There was once a time when Noem was widely seen as a top contender for the No. 2 spot on disgraced former President Donald Trump’s cursed-bobsled-to-hell of a presidential campaign. That was before the book—Noem’s new political memoir full of puppy murder, goat murder, and, it turns out, blatant falsehoods. 

• She just spent four days trying (and, we daresay, failing!) to justify the murder of Cricket, the 14-month-old Wirehaired Pointer, whom Noem boasted about shooting in a gravel pit. The admission sparked a rare bipartisan act of public trolling, after lawmakers from both sides of the aisle launched a Congressional Dog Lovers Caucus. Voof. She was even lambasted by the likes of Trump’s son, Don Jr., and MAGA zealot, Steve Bannon. 

• Now Noem is under even more scrutiny, thanks to another scene in the book that seems to have been flagrantly fabricated. The book recounts how Noem supposedly met, and stared down, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, before stating she was well-prepared to meet a murderous, nuclear-armed despot thanks to her experience looking after “little tyrants” as a former children's pastor. The claim was debunked by the South Dakota press, which quoted one longtime hill staffer saying, simply: “It’s bullshit.” 

• Noem claimed through a spokesperson that the whole thing wasn’t a blatant lie, but an extremely ambiguous case of “conflated world leaders’ names.” The book also appears to have falsely claimed that Noem once canceled a meeting with French President Emanuel Macron. The French say that never happened. Noem proceeded to blame her ghostwriter. Keep it classy, governor! 

Noem is used to right-wing media coverage that, in the past, spared her any actual accountability. That changed once her VP competitors and the non-MAGA news media started paying closer attention. Who knows what else they’ll find next week!

Taking a job with Trump often means you'll end up in court…as a witness, a defendant, or both. Longtime Trump campaign and White House aide Hope Hicks  took the stand in Trump’s 34-felony-count election interference (aka “hush money”) trial today—as just the latest former Trump flunky to get dragged into Trump’s criminal nightmare. Under questioning from prosecutors, Hicks told the court how news of the Access Hollywood tape, and an alleged affair with model Karen McDougal, sent Trump’s operation scurrying. The DA is trying to establish that Trump and his former fixer, Michael Cohen, feared that news about Trump's relationships and treatment of women would damage his campaign, so they paid off Stormy Daniels to hide her story from voters. 

Trump, who has somehow mastered the bizarre trick of falling asleep in the middle of his own criminal trial (seriously, who does this?), apparently managed to stay awake for Hicks’ entire time on the stand. Hicks testified that, in the White House, Trump told her Michael Cohen arranged to pay McDougal all on his own to quash a false allegation—but that she didn’t believe him. Toward the end of the prosecution’s direct examination, Hicks teared up while talking about Cohen, who may take the stand himself next week.

Israel warned Hamas that it has one week to agree to a ceasefire deal, or else Israeli forces will launch a long-anticipated and likely devastating assault on the city of Rafah, the Wall Street Journal reported, citing Egyptian officials.  

CIA Director William Burns arrived in Cairo for talks on the ceasefire proposal, which reportedly includes the release of 33 Israeli hostages in exchange for a pause in the fighting of up to 40 days, according to the Journal. The deal would also allow Palestinians displaced in the south of Gaza to return to the north. 

Rep. Henry Cuellar (D-Tex.) and his wife Imelda Cuellar were indicted on federal bribery and money laundering charges in an indictment unsealed today. The couple are accused of accepting nearly $600,000 in bribes in two schemes to influence U.S. policy on behalf of an oil and gas company in Azerbaijan and a bank in Mexico. The charges could put Cuellar’s Texas district at risk for Democrats. Cuellar said he and his wife are innocent.

The U.S. economy added 175,000 jobs in April, well short of estimates, in a sign growth may be slowing. The news is mixed for the White House: the data suggest the economy is cooling off, but that makes an interest rate cut more likely. Markets soared on the news.

As many as four House GOP Chairs are launching investigations into pro-Palestinian protests on college campuses. It’s all part of Republicans ongoing effort to opportunistically exploit the protests and distract from the fact that their party’s presidential nominee is literally on trial for alleged crimes.

The NYPD posted a highly-produced and very weird highlight reel of its operation to clear and arrest protesters in Columbia University’s Hamilton Hall earlier this week. Seriously, guys? 

Pro-Nazi streamers are thrilled that MAGA student group Turning Point USA is getting more friendly toward them. 

What’s…wrong with election conspiracist and pillow guy Mike Lindell? 

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Dreamers now have ACA access. President Biden expanded Affordable Care Act eligibility to up to 100,000 immigrants living in the U.S. under DACA protections. 

Star Wars Jedi Mark Hamil made a pre-“May the 4th” visit to the White House, where he met President Biden. Hamil also showed up in the press briefing room where he showed off a pair of Ray-Bans the president gave him. “He said, ‘You can call me Joe.’ I said, ‘Can I call you Joe-bi Wan Kenobi?’ He liked that.”

Someone is finally taking a stand against absurdly small portions of ravioli. Jezebel writes: “As a society, we are being criminally under-served ravioli at every turn.” [Stands up, cheers.]