Hi John,

When I was 18, my dad insisted that I take a self-defense course (alone, in a sound-proof room, with an ex-Navy SEAL).

I hated it.

Actually, it terrified me.

Of course, I understood my dad’s logic. He was terrified, too. He had just watched The Hunting Ground documentary about the pandemic of sexual violence on college campuses. That’s why he found this course, bought me hot-pink pepper spray, insisted I carry around a sparkly rape whistle “EVERYWHERE you go.”

But these safety “tips” all carry an underlying message: If you get raped, it’s because YOU weren’t safe enough. In other words, it’s your fault.

What if instead of self-defense courses, we taught people not to rape—and our systems not to let rapists off the hook?

“What the school did to me was worse than what my rapist did to me.” 

-Anonymous student, “The Cost of Reporting”

Live cross-examinations by your rapists’ advisor of choice, who could be their parents, their fraternity brothers, or their friends.

This re-traumatizing process, among many others, is required under the Trump administration’s Title IX rule for colleges and universities. *

In his 2020 campaign, President Biden promised to “immediately” put an end to this harmful, pro-abuser rule. Every day for the past three years, NWLC has been fighting to get Biden to stay true to his word—a fight that crescendoed during our Title IX Student Day of Action in front of the White House last week.

But once again, the Biden administration didn’t listen, postponing their final rule until March 2024 (almost a year later than first promised).

Here is a promise that NWLC will make AND fulfill: We will never stop fighting until all survivors are protected.

* Title IX makes it illegal for schools to discriminate against students because of their sex. This includes protecting students from sexual violence and ensuring equal opportunities to participate in sports and other educational activities for LGBTQIA+ and pregnant and parenting students.

My proudest day at this job

Remember that Title IX rule that President Biden promised us? Well, it would also prohibit schools from categorically banning trans, nonbinary, and intersex students from playing on the school sports team consistent with their gender identity.

Last week, Fatima Goss Graves, our President and CEO, testified in front of Congress in support of this rule. We’ve never received as much hate as we did on that day; and I’ve never felt prouder to have this job.

NWLC has never been afraid—despite the lies, the hate, and the backlash—to speak the truth: That trans women are women. That they must be able to play women’s sports. And that attacking trans women hurts ALL women and girls.

We’re used to being unpopular. Throughout our 50-year history, we’ve supported “contentious” issues like abortion, pay equity, same-sex marriage, and of course, women’s sports.

In the words of our CEO: “Anytime there is progress, we must confront waves of pushback. Really, it’s a sign that we’re doing something right.”

Must-Do:

Tell the Biden administration to finalize their new Title IX regulations NOW.

Feminist Moment of Joy!

Finally, something merry and bright!

We are THRILLED to celebrate the nomination of Nicole Berner to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit. With over 20 years of experience in advocating for the rights of women, girls, LGBTQIA+ individuals, and families, Berner is an exceptional candidate for the federal bench, and will be the first openly LGBTQIA+ person to ever serve on this court.

Before I send you off into the ✨new year✨, I’d like to get one last thing off my chest:

In my self-defense course, I was never able to physically overpower that ex-Navy SEAL. For a while, I felt ashamed about that. Pathetic, weak. And when bad things happened to me, like it was my fault.

But then, I turned my anger outward—towards abusers and the systems that support them. That’s why I work at the National Women’s Law Center, and that’s why I email wonderful people like you.

I wish you all the most restful holiday season! I cannot wait to continue our correspondence (i.e., me blabbering) in the sparkly new year 😊

Gemma Simoes Decarvalho
she/her/hers
Writer and Editor
National Women’s Law Center

We know December is a busy month for you. If you want to take a break from our emails for the rest of the month, opt out of our emails until January!