Holiday plans are multiplying faster than you can count, gift receipts are piling up on your desk, and somewhere in between all of it, the time to relax with the people you love gets harder and harder to nail down. The holidays can be a source of great stress and pressure as well as joy. This isn’t a shocker by any means but it doesn’t make it any less true.

But where does all this stress come from, especially in the context of your relationship? The primary culprits are mismatched expectations. About budgets. And traditions. And boundaries. And, well, everything. Taking the time to get aligned with your partner in advance of the holidays is the best way to become a united front.