The ability to be generally, consistently happy can feel like an innate gift bestowed upon a lucky few. Even those who seem to have it all and have seemingly nothing to be unhappy about can feel they’re not happy enough, or even unhappy, a lot of the time.

If you wonder why you’re not happy more often, you have lots of company. Many Americans have a wealth of comforts and advantages available to them, yet the US doesn’t even crack the top 10 of countries with the happiest citizens, according to the latest World Happiness Report. Gallup’s 2022 Global Emotions Report concluded that global unhappiness was at an all-time high. According to the annual General Social Survey by the National Opinion Research Center the number of Americans who said they were “very happy” dropped from 25 percent in 2018 to 19 in 2022.

Why, despite decades of research in positive psychology, hundreds of self-help books, and a daily onslaught of influencer-guru videos claiming to reveal the secret to happiness, are Americans so unhappy? Why do so many people not know what happiness is, exactly, what it should look like, or why it can seem like a frustrating and unattainable goal? For advice, we spoke to a happiness researcher who offered surprising — and surprisingly simple — answers to one of life’s biggest questions.