Friend -
What The!? kind of person gets kicked out of a Broadway performance of the Beetlejuice musical at the Denver Center for the Performing arts? A hint: her first name is an anagram of UNREAL.
🧃Beetlejuice is essentially the story of a rude & crude, prattling babbler of a man with bad hair & the personality of a self-serving narcissist, who blackmails women into marrying him so that he can leave the “neitherworld” enabling him to openly cause chaos in the free world. No freaking wonder House Rep. Laura Boebert was in attendance at the September 10th performance at Buell Theater — obviously, she thought she was attending Orangejuice™️, the biopic about her Large And Not In Charge, orange messiah. Alas, Boebert wasn’t allowed to stay for the whole performance because she tried to Make Theater Great Again. I mean, arts and culture, ya know, they’re just not for everyone.
🚭The Denver Post reported that Boebert & a nameless date were escorted out of the downtown Denver theater because the Patriotic Princess was allegedly “vaping, singing, recording and causing a disturbance” during the performance. LMAO. This from the woman who pretends to love all the rules, especially those in America’s Number One Rule Book, the Constitution. Could the classy Colorado Congressperson just have poor reading comprehension skills? We may never know. What we do know is that the City of Denver released over 4 minutes of surveillance video showing the Boebert Walk of Shame from Row E to Don’t Let The Door Hit You In The Ass On The Way Out where discerning eyes may be able to spy what looks like intoxicated behavior including but not limited to: a Dress Malfunction; a United States Representative Flipping The Bird; the always charming, Do You Know Who I Am battle cry; a Selfie of the proud moment; and, literally, a dance-twirl down the sidewalk. Oh, where will that sidewalk end? Adam Frisch, you heard?
🚮I don’t want to be entirely mean. I’m sure this sort of thing could happen to any high-ranking politician even *after* being given a warning during intermission that they needed to chill the F out. Ultimately, I’m not a fan of name-calling, & I see a lot of folx on the socials calling her trash or garbage or worse. I just don’t think it’s right to put her in the same category as Oscar the Grouch. I’d vote for the green muppet anyday over the orange puppet.
🧸Speaking of soft & spineless characters, let’s head on down to the Government of Texas, where shenanigans are as much the house specialty as a rare steak at Bennigans. Could it be that the Texas Attorney General will be Paxton His Bags? Ken Paxton, aka the state's head law enforcement officer, who was impeached and suspended from duty in May of 2023, is currently in the middle of his trial in front of the Texas Senate. The 16 articles of impeachment include accusations of Kenny “misusing his power to shield allies, exchange bribes and retaliate against whistleblowers.”
🧺The quick and dirty is that Paxton allegedly turned the keys of the attorney general’s office over to his buddy/donor millionaire real estate investor, Nate Paul. Paul then “returned the favor by helping Paxton hide an alleged extramarital affair, among other alleged favors that Paxton tried to conceal” via intimidation & payouts. Gosh what a thoughtful fella, trying to keep that from the missus.
💆🏻♀️Time out. I misspoke. Earlier I said that Paxton “was in the middle of his trial.” My apologies. Because Ken left the building on Day 1 after pleading Not Guilty, & hasn’t returned since. Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, the presiding officer of the trial, said he was not obligated to be there. I guess that’s Texas for ya. The man doesn’t have to attend his own trial … but HIS WIFE DOES. Angela Paxton, a Republican State Senator, is required to be in attendance while talk of his extramarital affairs are central to the case. Damn. And, she doesn’t even get to vote! Texas, y’all are just mean. (You know she was gonna vote AYE!)
⚰️BTW, this is the same Dan Patrick who told FOX in March 2020 that America’s elderly should be willing to sacrifice their lives to help boost the economy amid the COVID-19 pandemic. Bro, that’s just sick. So, no need to pretend he’s a voice of reason here. The trial will wrap up soon, likely with a Texas-sized Not Guilty bow on it. Because, well, Texas. If a miracle of ethics were to occur, Ken Paxton would be removed from office and potentially barred from future elected office. Ken may not be Texas Toast, but boy howdy is his Mojo Dojo Casa House in ruins.
Whew, does anyone need a drink? I’m thinking a juice of some kind …
May your angst be low & your laughter be often,
Dc Lozano, PowerPAC Theater Critic
