A touch on the shoulder. Asking “How’d the interview go?” Saying, “You’d never guess what happened to me and the kids today!” These are all quotidian occurrences in a family, part of the rhythms of marriage. But each is an example of something very important: a bid for connection. Coined by relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, bids for connection are an offering of interest and curiosity. They say Hey, I want to know more about you! I care! And the act of turning towards, not away from, your partner’s bids as often as possible is one of the smallest but most important things you can do for the health of your relationship. According to Dr. Gottman’s research, couples that stayed together longer than six years — often the breaking point for marriages — turned towards each other 86% of the time, while those that divorced did so an average of 33% of the time. Here’s what makes them work.