The idea of having a specific set of family rules sounds like tyranny, which is the last thing parents want for their kids. But when done right, family rules provide needed structure and predictability. The family members understand the existence and purpose of the rule. Routine is preserved. The kids feel safer, and everyone’s stress — particularly yours — goes down.

Now, there are some things to remember — rules about rules if you will. A list stuck to the fridge isn’t all-powerful. “Rules alone won’t get the job done,” says Dr. Laura Kastner, a family and child psychologist and author of Getting to Calm, the Early Years. “There needs to be context, fairness, and understanding.” The rules must be clear, and the enforcer of said rules (i.e. you and your spouse) has to be clear so the behavior can become automatic. Nail this and everything gets easier.