Is there a secret to a happy marriage?
That’s a tough question to answer.
Every couple wants there to be a secret. They walk down the aisle believing they’re committing themselves to a person who will fill their life with joy and fulfillment. And yet, many of these couples reach out to Focus on the Family, struggling because their marriage isn’t making them as happy as they expected. And they’re often surprised to learn that the secret to happiness isn’t luck or good chemistry.
It’s sacrifice and humility.
That may seem counterintuitive, but happiness is a moving target. There will always be seasons in marriage — moments, days, weeks, or months — where you won’t feel happy. In those times, you need a deep perspective about happiness to get you through.
As the title of a book I wrote implies, Marriage Done Right creates marital happiness but not in the way couples assume. You see, you don’t create a “happy marriage,” you create a strong marriage centered in Christ, and happiness is the result.
That’s not mere semantics. I recently discussed this idea with author Debra Fileta, who asks couples to picture a triangle with a husband and wife at each corner of the base, and God at its peak.
As spouses grow closer to God individually, they grow closer to each other as well.
Marriages are happiest when “we” is greater than “me.”
We’re talking with Debra Fileta on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Embracing the Beautiful Mess of Your Marriage.” With humorous stories and a counselor’s wisdom and heart, Debra explains how marriage requires unconditional love and sacrifice and casts a beautiful vision for a strong marriage.
Debra is a professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She’s also written a book titled Choosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start with We > Me. Listen to our conversation on your local radio station, online, on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, via Google Podcasts, or take us with you on our free phone app.
Before I close, I’d like to extend an invitation for you to become a special partner with us through our monthly “Friends of Focus on the Family” program. When you do, I’ll send you a copy of Debra’s book Choosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start with We > Me as a way of saying thank you for touching others with the love of Christ. To make your pledge, or for more information, click here or call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).
Monthly gifts sustain us and allow us to ride out the summer months when things get a bit tight financially. If you’re not in a spot to give monthly, a one-time gift is very much appreciated. We’re grateful for any amount you can donate.
One last thing: take a few moments to try our free marriage assessment online tool. It will help you quickly determine what’s working well in your relationship and areas where you may need some improvement. | 
