As parents, we’re constantly doling out information to our kids. Look both ways. Don’t put that in your mouth. No hitting. This is, of course, crucial. But we’re also indirectly passing information. Kids are always listening, and they learn a lot by simply overhearing their parents. This isn’t news. But it’s something that every parent should use to their advantage. Just as there are things all fathers should be sure to say to their kids, there are things that fathers should be certain that kids overhear them say.

“If kids are overhearing anything, they’re hearing how someone interacts with someone else,” says J. Stuart Ablon, Ph.D., associate professor of adolescent psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and founder and director of Think: Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital. This means it’s essential for fathers to be a bit more overt about the things they — hopefully — say already to boost their children’s emotional intelligence, emotional regulation, and general treatment of others. Apologies. Issuances of love. Expressions of vulnerability. Descriptions of friendship. Acceptance of blame.

Being overt about these things is effective for teaching all kids. But it’s particularly so for boys, who often internalize the idea that vulnerability is a negative trait. They need to hear certain things come out of dad’s mouth, whether they’re paying attention or not, to create a template for later use.