There are plenty of reasons why it can be difficult to connect with your father. Maybe your relationship isn’t exactly a model of emotional openness and vulnerability. Maybe you’re both too busy to sit down and have a meaningful chat. Maybe you’re not even sure how to approach such a conversation. When he’s gone, though, all of those reasons will turn into regrets and thoughts of “What if…?” when it comes to what may have been. The point? Don’t waste time, succumb to pride, or entertain doubt when considering what you’d like to know about your father.

Connecting with your father as an adult adds far more nuance to the relationship, too. It’s much different from getting a lecture as a punk teenager home past curfew. Dad’s wisdom is likely poignant, his life experience is well-documented, and his words are meaningful. Of course, sometimes we don’t have the conversation because dad probably also has his historical biases, his myopic ideas, and perhaps a lack of self-awareness (or self-work). It’s worth pushing past all that and trying to have a conversation with dad as a parent, a friend, a mentor, and a man. If you have the chance to ask him, don’t let it pass you by.