Marriage advice is easy to ignore until you need it. Who hasn’t rolled their eyes at such well-meaning but trite aphorisms as “Say sorry even if you don’t mean it” or “Don’t go to bed angry”? These phrases tend to spill out of people’s mouths around weddings and anniversaries but are barely helpful. True, lived-in advice for a long, happy marriage isn’t so tidy because neither are relationships.

So, what is some honest, authentic marriage advice from couples who’ve been through the long haul? We recently asked 25 people who have been married for 25 plus years about what makes their relationship work. Clichés didn’t enter the equation. Instead, their answers reflected a simple truth: long-term relationships are both easy and hard, made better by honesty, fun, and a shared sense of unity.

They urged communication and clarity. They underscored the importance of shared meals and spicing things up with jokes. They emphasized appreciation and attention to detail. Here’s what’s helped them stay together for the long run.