Parenting is a nerve-wracking journey for most dads. Expecting the unexpected and trying to be prepared for every possible scenario is a noble pursuit, but not entirely realistic. Or healthy. But it happens, because of course it does. It’s completely natural to fret too much about everything from benchmarks to baby proofing to personal expectations. But too much worry can consume a lot of time and energy.

We recently asked a dozen dads about the worry they wish they gave up a lot sooner. Their answers touched on everything from listening to other parents to trying to make up for your parents’ mistakes, revealed a simple truth: There are a lot of concerns out there but, looking back, all that worrying would’ve been better spent elsewhere.