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🌽We head to Iowa this week. Des Moines to be specific. A name that’s dressed up a bit too jazz-handsy, a little too French, if you ask any All I Care About is Gender Republican running for office. I’m surprised they haven’t unrazzled the dazzle of this unAmerican word wearing its diphthong much too proudly, much too tightly. Mark this down: lol soon they’ll be legislating to unglam this city’s way-too-pretty name. Duh Moyn coming soon to a country you’ll barely recognize. Perhaps I’m being a bit too over the top? Maybe I’ve swung to the opposite side of the pendulum from Qanon? 🤷🏽 I’ll let you be the judge. Which brings me back to this week’s What The!!? — America’s Republican Drag Problem.
🏍️To be clear, I 🩵 Drag. It is art. It is life. It is a beautiful & amazing avenue of expression. That being said, we do need to talk about America’s Real Drag Problem:
Men pretending to be god.
Any civilian wearing tactical gear.
Mike Pence in biker cuts.
🍖Join me, if you will, on a warm spring day where the corn is plenty & there are raffles & rump roasts for anyone in attendance. The setting is the Iowa State Fairgrounds where Republican Senator Joni Ernst’s annual “Roast and Ride” — a combination barbecue rally and motorcycle ride for POTUS hopefuls — was the gathering for spot 8 POTUS wannabes. But then, what to your wandering eyes should appear but a white-domed drag queen on their metal steed. Oops, my eyes temporarily deceived me: It was only Mike Pence in Drag.
👨🏻‍🦳Perhaps you’ve seen images of Mike Pence wearing biker gang leathers atop a Harley Davidson teasing his imminent POTUS announcement. Listen, I'd post the photo here for you, but I don’t want to ruin your day or signal to the bots that you want content of Mike Pence trying to be a Son of Anarchy . Let’s just say it was awkward & performative & a sad, sad attempt at trying to play the uber-gendered role of a masculine manly man that Republicans are pushing right now. Oddly, with the helmet on, he looked more grandmotherly than anything else. Sorry, Pence. You’ll always be the guy with a fly on his head. The Repressionist Party has its share of far-right candidates, but Pence is just far-out.
✍🏼Adding another never-to-pop * kernel to his cap, Ron DeSantis took it upon Himself to autograph a man’s Bible. Guess he thought he was attending the Holy Roast & Ghost. The lucky owner of the America First Edition Bible praised DeSantis for standing up to that Devil Disney. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure the one type of drag that the Bible actually kinda cares about has something to do with worshiping false prophets. Generally when one signs a book it’s because they wrote or illustrated it. In this case, DeSantis impersonated … God? Soon they’ll be chanting DeSaintUs, guaranteed.
🧐Nikki Haley , who is also running for POTUS, spent her time at the Pig & Pandering addressing “the women’s issue of our time.” Abortion rights! Lol, just kidding. Of course she meant “biological boys playing in girls’ sports.” The following day in Duh Moyn, at a CNN townhall, she doubled down with the dubious claim that having biological boys in female locker rooms is “why a third of our teenage girls seriously contemplated suicide last year.” Folx, it just ain’t true. It’s a bully’s spin. It’s gaslighting through & thru. The real sad truth of the matter is that queer students are TWICE as likely to seriously consider, plan & attempt suicide , & they are six times more likely to experience depression, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. There are serious issues that American politicians need to focus on: NOBODY should be focusing on the fake danger of the LGBTQIA+ community.
🤢If you ask me, this event seems a lot more like a Snarf & Barf . I could go on about the guests in attendance, but at some point it just starts to seem like torture.
🍓Oddly, the Roast & Ride took place under a Strawberry Moon. Seems to me the Cult of Chump was up to dark rituals beyond our wildest nightmares. Since 2008, when they collectively lost their damn minds because a Black man became POTUS, they’ve opened at least two of the Seven Seals — & possibly a 3rd at the Roast & Ride. Like the penultimate blood moon, the evil powers they were destined to possess have been awakened, but unlike Zelda, they are not using them to seal away Ganon's evil.
Until next time,
Dc Lozano, Director of Snark
*If it were a non-dormant kernel it would be woke. Sadly, there was no popped corn at the Roast & Ride.
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