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We each have a certain amount of space in our lives for the things that matter to us most. Whether it’s our time, our money, or even how we choose to invest in our relationships, every day we are saying ‘yes’ to some things – and by implication – saying ‘no’ to others. We are making choices that prioritize our lives. But are we making the right choices?
The problem is that we are confronted by so many requests and opportunities every day. Ways to spend our time, things to buy, things people want us to do. And, while it’s easy to say ‘yes,’ the truth is that many of these are things that will not ultimately help us achieve our life’s mission; advance the things that are truly important to us. Instead, they are distractions, time wasters, things that other people want us to do, yet have little benefit to us. However, because of convenience, or not thinking or just dream walking, we say ‘yes.’ Yet, the truth is that we should be collecting ourselves – taking a moment to reflect – and saying ‘no.’ And, in so doing we will be saying ‘yes’ to making space to pursue the things that are truly important.
Here's an interesting real-life analogy that may give you a sense of how this works and bring this idea to life. Have you ever been doing some much needed cleaning or organizing around the house and come across say, an old tee-shirt or an item you feel has some sentimental value, and instead of getting rid of it, you keep it, even though you tasked yourself with getting rid of clutter? Sometimes it’s hard for us to get rid of things or say ‘no’ to something when we think it adds value to our lives or helps remind us of a special moment. The thing is though, while holding onto something, or saying ‘yes’ when we want to say ‘no’ can make us feel good in the moment, it’s often when we respect our boundaries or the goals that we’ve put before ourselves that we see the most positive results. Yes, perhaps that old tee-shirt has some sentimental value, but getting rid of it can also make way for something new in your closet or dresser.
While saying ‘no’ to some things can feel empowering, it can also feel uncomfortable or intimidating. We’re often taught that to say ‘no’ in certain situations can be rude or impolite, while we’ll say ‘yes’ to things to be accepted by others or to hold on to something that no longer serves us. The reality, however, is that saying ‘no’ often means saying ‘yes’ to something else. Sometimes when we say ‘no,’ we change the way we handle or react to certain situations, empowering ourselves to make better decisions for ourselves. The mental health implications cannot be understated, as saying ‘no,’ or letting something go, can allow us to value our choices more and prioritize ourselves. This can help lead to new opportunities that wouldn’t have come simply by saying ‘yes’ to something else. It can also allow us to set boundaries, helping us take time for ourselves in ways that make us a better friend, partner, parent, or colleague.
This isn’t to say that we should never say ‘yes.’ Quite the opposite. The difference is learning when to say ‘yes’ in the right moment and learning that it’s ok to say ‘no’ when something doesn’t serve us, whether in the moment or in the long term. Sometimes when we say ‘yes,’ we do so with resentment, which can negatively impact our relationship with ourselves and others. When we choose to say ‘no,’ it tends to be an indication of respect for ourself and in some cases, others.
Recently, I found myself in a situation where I was invited to an event last minute. Though I had interest in going, I was exhausted after a long week of travel and work, and politely declined. I’d later come to find out that there would be another opportunity to attend a similar event that I was actually more interested in attending a few weeks later. This is just one example of where saying ‘no’ had its benefits. The truth is, saying ‘no’ isn’t the end all be all. While there may be a bit of fear of missing out, or FOMO, more often than not, when we say ‘no’ to things, we’re simply setting boundaries, not missing out. When we operate with intention, you’ll find that if something is meant to be in your life, it will find its way to you. And when we’re confronted by a scenario when someone wants us to say ‘yes,’ but we make the difficult choice to say ‘no,’ we make space for those things that truly benefit us.
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