Hi John,
“Hers was tougher than tough love. It was brutal, industrial-strength. A sinewy love that never gave way to an inch of weakness. It was a love that saw what was best for you ten steps ahead, and didn't care if it hurt like hell in the meantime.”
- Michelle Zauner, Crying in H Mart
One of the many reasons I adored this gut-wrenching memoir—about Michelle losing her mother—is because it emphasizes something that I once forced myself to forget:
Food is love.
When I lived with my parents during the pandemic—along with our three-tooth, 16-year-old chihuahua—I fell into the depths of anorexia. But my mom did not care.
In other words, her love was “brutal, industrial-strength.”
Exploring the role that food plays in grief, memory, and identity, Crying in H Mart by Korean-American musician Michelle Zauner is one of the countless and captivating books by Asian American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander (AANHPI) authors that I have read and loved.
During AANHPI Heritage Month, we’re celebrating the rich and intricate stories, histories, experiences, and cultures of Asian Americans, Native Hawaiians, and Pacific Islanders.
How do you put who you are into words?
When Da Hae Kim first read Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong, she immediately texted her sister, “You HAVE to read this. It’s literally about our lives.”
From the most minute details of owning a thin lavender mechanical pencil with a Hello Kitty bauble attached (mine had a generic flower bauble) to the searing history of Western Imperialism, Hong laid bare the scatterbrained thoughts I have long felt but struggled to put into words.”
To celebrate AANHPI Month, my colleagues have put into words their love for members of their community, from artists to activists, who have made them feel seen—as their “fully formed and unapologetic selves.”
Read their wonderful tributes here.
“Anti-Asian hate is as American as apple pie.”
This quote from Manjusha Kulkarni—the cofounder of Stop AAPI Hate—speaks to the horrific truth that Anti-Asian racism has always been ingrained into our country’s systems, institutions, and laws. And during the COVID-19 pandemic, it led to the sharp rise in violence and hate crimes:
Between March 19, 2020, and March 31, 2022, there were nearly 11,500 “hate incidents” reported to Stop AAPI Hate. It’s no wonder that, as reported on this month, 80% of Asian Americans don’t feel they truly belong in America, while over 50% don’t feel safe in public places.
As my colleague Selina Tran put it, “We can’t acknowledge the achievements that AANHPI people have accomplished without also acknowledging the racism and barriers that are at work to control, harm, and kill AANHPI people. White supremacy, not only harms AANHPI people but it actively works to oppress all people... It’s something we all should be collectively fighting against.”
Must-Do's:
- Donate to the survivor-led Asian/Pacific Islander Domestic Violence Resource Project (DVRP) that provides bilingual and culturally-specific services to survivors of domestic violence.
- Support South Asians for Abortion, “a digital platform to mobilize South Asians for abortion, reproductive justice, and bodily autonomy in a post-Roe America.”
- Volunteer with or help fund the Asian American Legal Defense and Education Fund which protects and promotes the civil rights of Asian Americans.
Must-Reads:
- You know when you get a Dum-Dum, and there’s a mystery flavor. That’s what this recommended read is. Could be cherry, could be fruit punch, but will be worthwhile either way.
Wait... abortion actually won!?!
No, this is not me (and the stain of upper-thigh sweat I’m about to leave on my kitchen chair) hallucinating in my AC-less apartment.
There’s actually stuff to celebrate this month!
Thanks to the Biden administration’s recent enforcement of federal protections, when pregnant people go to the ER, they cannot be turned away or forced to wait until they are on the brink of death before getting the emergency abortion care they need.
And when extremists in the Senate attempted to undo a 2022 rule that allowed abortion care and counseling at VA for eligible beneficiaries, we joined a group of veterans and advocates to fight back—and we won.
Feminist Moment of Joy: Love Letters to Moms!
On Mother’s Day, I sent my mom a lump-in-my-throat voice memo,
I love you, you saved my life, if you could not ever die that would be great, blahblahblah.
But she couldn’t figure out how to listen to it, responding “??? we r at a brewery” instead.
I should have written her an old-fashioned letter, like my colleagues (so beautifully) did here.
“Some of the earliest memories I can recall are of my mother instructing me to always ‘save ten percent of yourself.’ What she meant was that, no matter how much you thought you loved someone, or thought they loved you, you never gave all of yourself. Save 10 percent, always, so there was something to fall back on.”
- Michelle Zauner, Crying in H Mart
Yes, I’m ending with another Crying in H Mart quote. Because symmetry makes me happy. And because this is the most “mom” thing I’ve ever read—in other words, annoyingly and unbelievably true.
As you head into June, make sure to save your 10 percent.
Catch you later,
Gemma Simoes Decarvalho
she/her/hers
Writer and Editor
National Women’s Law Center
