You should prioritize your marriage over your kids. The statement sounds counter-intuitive, doesn’t it? When you read it, you might think, sarcastically, Yeah, sure. That’ll happen. Because, well, kids require a lot of attention, and sacrifice is a big part of parenthood. But many experts agree that your partnership should come first and foremost. Why? Well, the thinking is that a strong relationship and loving home help kids thrive. When one or both partners feel far down in the pecking order, it’s common to feel disconnected and resentful. That leads to fights because disconnection often equals disharmony.

No, this isn’t to say that you should neglect your kids. Because of course not. But it does mean you should find a happy medium where date nights and other such methods of maintaining a connection are prioritized — and maybe lighten your kid’s likely crowded schedule a bit. Because when a couple’s relationship is strong, they feel more content and confident and kids pick up on that. Yes, it takes effort to find out what balance works best for you. But so long as you put forth the effort to make one another feel loved, appreciated, and known, everyone benefits.