Thankfully I'm only a decade or 4 away from retirement

It’s safe to say that their kid’s online safety is a concern that tops most dads’ list of anxieties, especially when it comes time to buy them their first phone. Enter: The Bark Phone, a fully customizable starter phone that lets parents decide which functionalities their kids have access to. With features like location tracking and approval over which numbers can be called/texted, Bark lets you give the gift of communication without subjecting your kid to the world of internet danger. Plans start at $49/month, and you can cancel anytime.