Listening is the key to making every relationship work. Marriages, in particular, require it to thrive. But listening is a skill, one that needs to be developed and honed. It doesn’t come easy to people, particularly men who may find it unnatural to be still and let in someone else’s words. We’re compelled to analyze, argue, interject, react, joke, problem-solve or do whatever it takes to make our voices heard and, consciously or not, assert dominance. That’s true for almost any conversation, from business meetings to negotiating details for an oil change. It’s why all the crosstalk and yelling on Sportscenter speaks to us on a primal level.

But if you can’t listen, your partner can’t be heard. So, it pays to improve your listening. If you’re worried your listening is lacking — or just want to improve on the skill — here are some mistakes to be aware of, and a few corrections to help you adjust course.