Parenting advice for raising confident, secure kids tends to hit the same, albeit necessary, beats. Not yelling at kids and not spanking them top the list, along with staying away from phrases like “No offense, but…” that are essentially passive-aggressive bullying. However, there are other, more insidious habits parents commonly fall into that over time erode their kids’ self-esteem. In her book Fostering Connection, child psychologist Tish Taylor, Ph.D., refers to some of these common parenting mistakes as “disconnecting behaviors,” and clarifies that in comparison to more obvious culprits for lowering self-esteem, they may seem non-aggressive in nature. That’s why it’s all the more crucial to be aware of— and do your best to avoid — them.